"try yes"

this is the most Oblique Strategy blog post

I was bummed about something and going "ugh, no no no" the other day, details aren't important but ask me if you want, and someone else was walking by, singing a song, and as an aside mid song says to me, like under his breath as if he was a top secret spy, "try yes." and then keeps singing his song as if nothing had happened. It was the most bananas thing. I could not believe it even happened. In two words, totally owned me, but also he was smiling like he wasn't trying to be a jerk, but also didn't seem like a smarmy ass, and I can't probably convey how he managed to do both those things. Hit me at just the right time. Anyway.

I have many more thoughts but it's hard to write them down, so I will just say this is my mood the last few days:


("maybe everything isn't hopeless bullshit" image from here)

I hope it lasts, but at least in the meantime it's a very good feeling.

feel like I should have figured out "managing my feelings around the news" by now

I've developed a mental/emotional sore spot, it seems, around the US government. Or most governments these days, including but not limited to California, Pennsylvania, the UK, Brazil, Hungary, uh I dunno anywhere that fascism or nimbyism is gaining. The way the sore spot works is that, if anyone mentions anything about it, I become a black hole of depression. Everything they say is either stupid or obviously correct and despair-inducing. I feel worse, and I bet they feel worse, and then I feel worse for making them feel worse. It's not great.
Behind this are a few obvious feelings:
- worry/fear that our world is going to become a really awful place to live
- anger at all the people who are so bad
but I think also less obvious feelings:
- responsibility, like "I've got to do something"
- fear that I'll become the target of scorn from Angry Internet People if I'm not angry enough ("if you aren't depressed what the fuck is wrong with you" - someone on twitter)
- worse: fear that I'll lose respect from real-world friends if I'm not angry enough

Meanwhile, another huge terrible problem is world hunger. Hundreds of millions of people are still in extreme poverty or chronically hungry or food-insecure. And yet, it doesn't consume my life, and I don't turn into a monster whenever anyone mentions hunger. Maybe I should do a similar thing for the government.

(possible counterargument: "but you can do something about the government." sort of. I still vote and stuff, but I have so far been pretty bad when I've tried getting involved with anything beyond that. Like, both ineffective and hating it. I remain open to the possibility, but not optimistic, that there's a way I could be useful.)

I guess this is just the ongoing job of continuing to care without being angry. Maybe I'm still, after all these years, erring on the side of "being too angry." And maybe I'd unlock a little more energy in my life, which could be used to do something about something, if I didn't spend a lot of it on being so angry.