Observations about Bolivia mostly

Ok now we have been through:
La Paz
A Salar de Uyuni (and beyond) tour
Copacabana and Isla del Sol and Luna
Puno, Peru

Some things I have noticed:
- a lot of dogs have jackets.
- menus have either two choices (local spots) or 500 (tourist spots). Both can be good or bad.
- ATMs in Bolivia are great; they give you lots of small change. In Peru so far they are terrible because they all seem to charge a 5% fee.
- prices for big things (cars, etc) are listed in USD. This doesn't make sense to me; is it just to avoid the sticker shock of "7000 bolivianos" and "1000 USD" sounds better?
- altitude sickness can happen even after a week or more. It can make migraines even worse! It can also manifest in weird ways, like making small problems seem like big problems.
- Bolivia seems entirely cool and very low tourist hassle. I remember seeing some map saying that Bolivia was one of the most foreigner-unfriendly countries, and in our experience that couldn't be further from the truth. Peru (well, Puno so far at least) seems like there are annoyingly more hawkers and touts.
- I find it hard to enjoy things when there's even a moderate amount of discomfort. Like, kinda-wet socks level of discomfort. I think this is a major weakness in my character.
- bathrooms have been great. They usually cost 1 or 2 (or 5) bolivianos ($1=7 Bs) but they are pretty clean.
- Llamas have long banana-shaped ears. Alpacas have short stubby ears and are softer and really just overall cuter. Vicuñas look like deer.

Altitude and cold are bad, teleféricos and airbnb experiences are great?

We are in La Paz, Bolivia!

1. Altitude and cold are bad.
We're at 10,000 ft, and nights get down to maybe the 30s, and central heating kinda isn't a thing? We've got a space heater. Anyway, I haven't really felt 100% the whole time I've been here, and it's gotta be that, right? Like, my stomach is just kinda not hungry for anything and when I do eat, it feels bad. Luckily, we're otherwise doing well.

When my stomach feels "ehh", it also makes me feel mentally "ehh", and I've had a couple of really sad moments so far. That's weird. Gives more evidence to the "depression is caused by feeling bad" hypothesis (as opposed to the "depression is caused by meaninglessness" hypothesis).

2. I think teleféricos are great?
There's gondolas! That go over the whole city! There are 10 lines and like 30 stops! That's how you can get around! It's so cool. And really genius for a city that's like a bunch of little islands between the mountains. They're pleasantly full but never seem to have lines. They cost Bs.3 = $0.50. Waiting for someone to tell me why "actually, they're bad", because they seem pretty great.

3. I think "Airbnb experiences" are great?
A guy named Javier was offering mountain bike tours, he had 30 references and positive reviews, so I went biking with him. It was also so cool. Like, he's just a guy, with a lot of biking-in-La-Paz experience; I could talk to him as a person, not a tour operator. Waiting for someone to tell me why "actually, this is bad" too; I would be less surprised because I'm sure the San Francisco Venture Capital machine will find a way to suck all the humanity out of it or destroy some other industry or whatever, but in the meantime it seems pretty great.

I'll show you photos later. Blogger's mobile app seems to have been made in 2009 and not updated since then, so I don't even know if I can add photos here. (Of course. The SFVC machine doesn't care about maintenance.)

The Dark Forest of the Internet

I feel this a lot. In short: the author (and many formerly-very-internetty people) are withdrawing from large swaths of the internet because those swaths are like being a gazelle out on the savannah: it's not safe and everyone is gunning for you.

In contrast, "dark forests" are "spaces where depressurized conversation is possible because of their non-indexed, non-optimized, and non-gamified environments."

I was going to say more but I realized after walking away from this for a while that all I was going to do is just say what the author was saying, but less polishedly. So, maybe I'll just say read that article instead.

Personally, I'm certainly doing this - much less interested in The Internet At Large, much more interested in small dark forests within the internet.

Continuing the series of "Dan notices more what's going on in his mind"

There's a low level hum in the background, basically always, telling me why I'm a Bad Person. Sometimes it's "remember that time in high school where you said that dumb thing" or "you yelled at a car person unnecessarily yesterday" or "global warming is happening and you're still flying 20,000 miles every year, you selfish ass" or whatever. Sometimes it's just a kinda bad feeling without much content around it.

I always used to think that this was because I was judgmental towards other people. Like, I won't tolerate it if someone parks in the bike lane for 5 seconds; I think their car should be immediately impounded and their license revoked, and when they get to the Pearly Gates, St Peter sends them to Purgatory for an extra 1000 years. Therefore, if I commit a traffic violation that's approximately that bad, that shows that I am an equally awful person, in the grand scheme of things, and a hypocrite to boot. I judge other people, and then because of that I also judge myself.

But I had an interesting conversation today where someone suggested maybe it was the other way around. Like, I judge myself, and then because of that I also judge other people.

This has some interesting implications for how to address it. I kinda always thought "I better be nicer to other people, and eventually if I send enough love out into the universe, it might reach that judgmental voice in myself too." But maybe instead I ought to just start by being nicer to myself.

"Logical Mind"

(Mannn I wish I had a better title for this. The point of it, though, is that I'm trying to define an internal concept, so I guess of course naming is hard.)

There are a lot of voices in anyone's head. (talking non-schizophrenic, not-actual-voices "voices" here.) This is obvious when you do something as simple as decide whether to eat a cake: "I want to eat it, but I also don't want to feel too full later or gain weight." There's a real powerful voice that gets a lot of airtime in my head. Let's call it "logical mind" for now (though I might actually just mean "ego" or Kahneman's "System 2", not sure).

Here are some characteristics of Logical Mind:

- it's always looking for problems to solve, and solving them.

- it loves quick answers; it's not patient. 

- it really dislikes things it can't solve.

- it loves saying no and reducing things to a size it can think about

- it loves not having to think about things.

- it's defensive, and hates possibly being wrong.

- it's judgmental and snobby.

(These might not be totally independent vectors. Probably if you dimensionality-reduced it, you'd end up with 3 main dimensions: 1. knowing what you can do with computers, but 2. not having much RAM or processing power; 3. hating being wrong.)

Logical Mind seems like a fine tool to have, a fine voice. But it's troublesome when it runs the whole show all the time. Here are some times it is troublesome:

1. when I don't have anything to do on a weekend, so I just clean stuff up for a while, and then invent more problems to "solve", and then end up mad that I wasted a whole day doing nothing

2. when I have a big mood, but I can't figure it out, so I just distract myself for a while; meanwhile the emotion sits there unprocessed and still messing with me

3. when I notice someone's (perhaps my own!) complex emotional issue, and decide "I know the answer, it's simple, so I should not bother being compassionate with them."

4. when I don't have a super well-formed opinion on something, so I default to "it's bad" to protect myself from being wrong.

5. when I start trying to learn something, find it difficult, and then quit, because in theory it should be way easier.

6. when I think about doing a potentially-fun thing that requires some work to do, and I decide, well... fun thing requires maybe -10 amount of work, and somewhere between I dunno +0 and +30 amount of fun, that's too hard to evaluate, I will not do it.

7. when I'm on vacation or something and I can't just sit still and stop trying to find or solve problems.

8. when I've got some mild discomfort, but I have to fix it, I can't just let it be.

9. when I am debating something that I've already figured out, and I can't tolerate the complexity of the debate because I am Right, dammit

10. when someone does something wrong, and I think "this absolute horrible human, how could they possibly have gotten it wrong, it is so obvious and unquestionable that I am right here."

It is hard to listen to Logical Mind all the time, mostly because it continually points out what is wrong, and therefore focuses you on it. When Logical Mind is in charge, there isn't even a concept of "enjoyment" or "meaning" or "wonder" or "joy", there's just "things are broken and I feel bad" or "nothing seems to be broken right now so I don't feel so bad." It would be nice, I think, if Logical Mind were a bit player I could pull out when I wanted, instead of the captain who's usually steering the ship. So, that is a thing I'm trying to work on.

edit: this very appropriate comic just happened to come up today

Enjoyment

... is a thing I'm trying to focus on more. Some scattered thoughts about it:

Someone gave me a book on alchemy, and after rolling my eyes, I had a read. It was only like 50 pages. The first few pages are dedicated to explaining how alchemy isn't really about "lead -> gold"; it's about becoming a whole/purified/fulfilled human.

Chapter 2 is about what we do when we waste time. What we do for its own sake. Some kind of argument about how that is how we become divine. (Catholics, the author gives a shout out to the Mass as performed by monks for themselves. My opposition to the mass was always that there is no point. The monks would agree that there is no point, and yet that would be why they like doing it.)

Ok, well. I've been feeling a bit joyless recently, and so I guess it's a good idea to tune into that part of the brain. Like, if you're trying to learn to play music, or maybe to write music, you try to listen to what sounds right sometimes and amplify that. If you're trying to be a good chef, you have to pay attention to what tastes right. You can't really notice it if you're not even listening or tasting. So I guess if you're trying to exist in our modern world, you try to listen to what feels right.

One useful framing to me is, "would I do that again?" Like just looking out over the last minute or hour or day and say, "if I had a time machine and could go experience that again, would I?" If the answer is yes, then you just enjoyed something! (This sounds like the most basic thing in the world, maybe, but uh... I'm kind of an alien sometimes? This thought experiment helps me untangle things like "well... it's good for me, I guess" or "well, I got paid" - if you'd go back in the time machine, and redo it for no other reason than to experience it again, that's enjoyment! Everything else is a different thing!)

Anyway, it's tough, though! Especially if you keep looking back and going "nope, not that; not that either; hmm, hasn't been anything for the past few days really." It's like writing a bunch of bad music in a row, I guess, or tasting a bunch of bad food. You begin to doubt your ability to write/cook.

Some examples:

Video games, primarily Slay the Spire. I have enjoyed this quite a lot! However, two problems. One is that it gets me in this amped up achieving-things state. Another is that, if I lose, it gets me in this amped-up kinda angry state! The whole thing is usually a net positive, though, so I'd say I enjoy this.

Biking. This is a mixed bag. I enjoy going fast; sometimes it feels really nice. Sometimes I get nice endorphins too. Sometimes I see nice scenery. Sometimes it hurts a lot and I just want to get home. On the whole, I'd usually say I enjoy this.

Flitting through the internet. I ... don't know. Sometimes I love it, usually involving weird humor. Sometimes I'll have wasted some time and feel kind of strung out.

Meditating. I'm starting to, sometimes, occasionally, enjoy this. It's far from a thing I'm looking forward to, but I can see how it could become that.

Note that this is different from the question of "should I do X?" This is a separate question from "did I enjoy X?" Right now I'm just sharpening the enjoyment sense. More like "did that food taste good?" than "should I eat that food?"

Also note that there are a few levels of granularity. It might be worthwhile for me to notice, not just "did I enjoy this whole bike trip", but "did I enjoy the last 5 minutes in the middle of this bike trip."

Tryna slow down a bit, kinda

This blog is real interesting for self reflection. I recently noticed that I started a post in early March that looked like this:

"I've been feeling energized. One thing is, I've recently been traveling; that often tends to energize me. I'm doing a project at work that's more execution and less deep thinking and that's kind of energizing; it's within what I feel like I can do.
I'm feeling more connected to music and stuff than usual. Like, I feel like I want to *make art*, despite the fact that I have zero experience actually making art, and whenever I give myself a large chunk of unstructured time, I can't say that I do amazing things with it."

This is no longer the case, and I forgot that it even happened, and so recently! Though I do now remember it; it was busy and only pleasant in a kinda hyped up way. Plus, said work project became kinda a bummer, but then finished, so I'm feeling some sense of accomplishment and relief, but mostly just glad to be done with it.

These days, well. For the last couple years, I've been working with at least one professional, often two, sometimes even more, that kinda... help me be a person? Currently it's therapist J and meditation teacher K. It changes sometimes, often with moves, but sometimes otherwise too. It's nice to have a couple outside perspectives, and it's extra nice when they converge.

Recent convergence I've been summing up as "think less, feel more." Step 0 of getting good at meditating seems to involve being able to switch between the fast, feeling system and the slow, focused System 2 thinking system. Living in the present, not worrying about the future; applying your awareness like a floodlight, not a laser; being, not accomplishing.

This essay about "bandwidth" feels relevant. Quote:
"Personal "bandwidth" implies that we must move through the world like machines; and that experience is, to use a different metaphor, something that we need to process, and process, and, process, up until we hit some kind of capacity."
And that's what I've been doing: optimizing for processing the most information, basically. Or for churning through the most tasks on a list.

So, I don't know how relevant it is, but I've been trying to stop thinking about myself as an information processor. Some ways:
- sleeping more (because what do I have to do so late, anyway?)
- listening to podcasts almost entirely
- playing Pokemon go, finally. It wasn't even fun anymore! It was just a way to spend every spare 30 seconds accomplishing something!

Some things that have made this hard:
- Slay the Spire is a great new video game that I like a lot, and I kinda want to spend all my time playing it. I can't decide if this is Good (because I'm doing something I like!) or Bad (because I sure do feel like a computer while I'm doing it).
- I mean, work and stuff; there's kind of a lot of things you need to do just to exist. Work, errands, appointments, etc.

It's a thing I'm thinking about now, anyway.

Regularly scheduled roundup of the world being awful, counting-things edition

"Why data science is a profound threat for queer people."

Where "queer" here could also be expanded to include "anything non-standard." And where "data science" is defined as "The quantitative analysis of large amounts of data for the purpose of decision-making", and later as "The inhumane reduction of humanity down to what can be counted."

A couple quotes:

"Data science as currently constituted:

• provides new tools for state and corporate control and surveillance
• discursively (and recursively) demands more participation in those tools when it fails
• communicates through its control universalized views of what humans can be and locks us into those views."

"Let’s look at a common example of what "administrative violence" looks like and what it does. Suppose you want to update the name and gender associated with your mobile phone: You go in, and the company says that you need a legal ID that matches the new name and gender. So you go off to the government and say, Hey, can I have a new ID? And they say, Well, only if you’re officially trans. So you go off to a doctor and say, Hey, can I have a letter confirming I’m trans? And the doctor says, Well, you need symptoms X, Y, and Z. And then when you do this, and jump through all that gatekeeping, everything breaks because suddenly the name your bank account is associated with no longer exists. You attempted to conform, and you still got screwed."

Arguably, borders have always been this way. (a recent guide from British Columbia about what to do if cops want to search your phone/computer; though it's not actually helpful as much as depressing.) Classrooms haven't been. (aughh!) Consumer devices haven't been. From that (and we're taking a turn here away from quantification and into centralization):

"platforms have also been able to expand rentier relations in ways that enclose everyday things. The key technology of enclosure is the software license, which allows the new rentiers to claim ownership over the software embedded in and data emanating from increasingly more physical things that we use in our daily lives."

"By integrating what were once ordinary objects into the internet of things, companies are able to enact a form of micro-enclosure in which they retain ownership over the digital part of a physical thing - and the right to access, control, and shut off the software - even after you purchase it"

"Nobody would look at the dynamic between landlords and tenants and say, "Yep, I’m happy to apply that to my entire life." Yet that is what’s happening when we accept, or don’t resist, the expansion of extraction-as-a-service."

How to cope:

I don't know! I guess it's like with terrorism or malaria or all sorts of other problems: we realize that the rise of Brazil is a problem somewhere in the world, but we can only do what we can do, so we keep trying to do that and etc etc.

The main thing that gives me hope is that this stuff just doesn't work. It's easy to not buy smart toasters. Most schools with "smart devices" soon realize they don't work, or there's a software update that breaks them or something, and they collect dust. (citation needed.)

(But as you can probably tell, this is a delay at best, and indeed I'm not feeling so terribly hopeful overall.)

Related: 

the "coming AI autumn" which, honestly, can't come soon enough.
Somewhat related: how to actually tell if someone online is fake; should be a required test before you're allowed to post or retweet or interact with anything anywhere on the internet; tongue sort of in cheek.

Doing something from strength or weakness

There's this email that some rando sent to a webcomic artist that I like. Here's the tweet. Transcription because the internet doesn't last:

Tweet from @TinySnekComics:

I don't think I ever shared this but I just wanted to grace the world with the greatest/worst unsolicited email I've ever received

Email contents:

Hello,

I don't know you, just stumbled on your comic. I like the artwork itself, it has a style that's enjoyable and cute.

After reading one comic after another, I didn't feel any of them were funny.

DON'T give up, I would like to see you get better.

Consider spending more time on the writing itself or team up with a writer or comedian to make your comic reach its potential.

Sincerely,

someone who wishes you the best.

(end transcription)

I think Someone Who Wishes You The Best (hereafter SWWYTB) really thinks they're doing the right thing. They think that by contorting their words enough, they can make their message "nice." (I base this opinion on years of thinking that myself as a child.)

This has been coming up a lot recently, and I don't know why. So many instances of people feeling X, doing Y negative thing, and trying to justify it as "actually trying to do good." (Hell, I do this too. See: righteous fury in the bike lane.)

It's possible to offer constructive criticism, of course! It just would look different than this. So obviously SWWYTB is giving unwanted criticism (negative thing) and bending themself into knots in order to say "but no, I'm doing an ok thing." I imagine it's redirected from some other part of life that's not feeling good.

(Maybe relatedly: procrastination as emotion management.)

Not quite relatedly: a friend recently described Mr. Rogers as being so effective because he was one of the few people to recognize publicly that children have emotions as complex and valid as adults, they just sometimes can't express them quite right, and kids (or anyone!) love being validated like that. I love that characterization. Maybe Mr. Rogers came to mind because he would be the kind of person who could offer constructive criticism, if he knew it was warranted and wanted, and it would be taken well.

So how do we distinguish between SWWYTB and Mr. Rogers? I'm tempted to say Mr. Rogers would be doing the thing (offering feedback or whatever) from a place of strength, while SWWYTB writes this from a place of weakness. Someone else recently described a similar thing as "it's from a place of integrity." Either way it sounds like hippie talk, but I don't know a better way to say it, and it would be a valuable shorthand: "look, he's arguing with you about X, but it's really just place-of-weakness." It would make it easier for the people who are not place-of-weaknessing; it might in rare cases even make it easier for people who are place-of-weaknessing!

"The Jungle" in games

Richard Garfield at one point talked about a part of Magic he loved, and that filtered into why he made Keyforge. It was this sense of being in "the jungle" - that you were all exploring the space in the game together, and you didn't all have it figured out. It keeps coming up for me: this is maybe the thing I love most in games.

Things that are "the jungle":

- printing some plain old busted cards like Black Lotus or Ancestral Recall because, what the heck, nobody will have more than one or two of them anyway.
- a weird mixed lore, like the early cards that had quotes from Coleridge, Shakespeare, and the 1001 Arabian Nights, in addition to Urza and Mishra. (Urza and Mishra were characters created in the Magic universe.)
- diverse art, like a world where Stasis and Chaos Orb existed alongside Shivan Dragon and Serra Angel
- every so often running into cards you've never seen
- every so often running into decks you've never seen. Full English Breakfast was a revelation to me. (non magic player note: this was a wacky deck that incorporated a few cards into a ridiculous combo that could win the game out of nowhere)
- uses for cards you've never seen (see: /r/badmtgcombos)
- chaos drafts. This is where you "draft" (start with a random pool of cards, take turns selecting cards, and build your deck out of those cards) with a bunch of random packs from Magic's past. (usually, when drafting, you all use the same type of pack, which means you can kind of "metagame" because you have a pretty good idea of what cards everyone's going to get.)

Things that are the opposite of "the jungle":

- metagames. Knowing that probably 30% of people are going to be playing Deck A while 20% are playing Deck B, so even if your Deck C is great, you shouldn't play it if it does poorly against Decks A and B.
- honestly, high-level constructed competition. It's going to be really hard to create a competitive scene without metagames. (maybe, "high-level competition" at all.)
- most strategic board games. These games feel "Spikey" - like you all know what are the moves you _can_ make, and you only win if you happen to exactly judge when to make the right moves.
- winning by slivers. Poker is not "the jungle", because you can only win by grinding out a 1% edge over the competition, over and over again. In "jungley" games, you usually win or lose big.

Games that feel jungley to me:

ok yes Keyforge, Spelunkey, "Would You Rather" driven by @wyr_bot, Drawful, Dominion, Ascension, Betrayal at the house on the hill, D&D, Bughouse, most passive games like Antimatter Dimensions, most computer RPGs, Minecraft

Games that do not feel jungley:

Agricola, Settlers, Eclipse, chess, most FPS games like Halo

Games that feel jungley when you're playing at home but not in competitions:

Magic, Smash Bros, RTS games like Starcraft, Dominion

I wonder what Magic player archetype this makes me. I guess Timmy, because I like playing in order to feel the excitement of "what a cool card!" or "what a great play!" With a touch of Vorthos (cool flavor is cool) and Jonny (I like expressing myself through my play)

y'all middle class: many of your favorite things depend on constrained environments, they're gonna get worse, and that's ok

Things are expensive

Skiing is way more expensive than it used to be.
Anecdote: I recently went to Heavenly in Lake Tahoe. The rack rate for a 1-day lift ticket is something like $160. 1-day ski rentals were $59 from the resort. And it was crowded as anything, from the 20-minute lift lines to the 2-hour wait for a shuttle back home.
Mitigating factors and more accurate comparisons: we should compare Heavenly's $160 to the $60-80 in Breckenridge/Keystone/ABasin ~10 years ago; we should compare the old days' $10 rentals to the $30 in-town rentals.

Going to a pro sports game is way more expensive than it used to be.
Anecdote: Friends and I went to a Golden State Warriors game last year. For the uppermost-deck tickets, on a random Wednesday, it was $120.
Mitigating factors and better comparisons: basketball always costs a little more than baseball; the Warriors are better than the Cavs were 8 years ago and even than the Indians 20 years ago; lots of people in SF and the Bay have money.

Traffic is worse than it used to be.
Anecdote: I dunno, it is, right?

Fancy College (defined as "going to a school with a good name") is crazy more expensive than it used to be, and we've even got data for that.

I remember enjoying these things as a child in a comfortable professional family 20 years ago. What's changing? Granted, a ton is changing, but I think one big factor is that the "Middle Class" is growing a lot. (the definition of "middle class" depends on the circumstances.)

The "sports-going middle class" that can afford sports games is growing a lot. The "skiing middle class" is growing a lot. The "driving middle class" is growing a lot, and certainly the "fancy college middle class" is growing like crazy (especially internationally!)

However, the supply of these things isn't growing as much. There have not been many new sports teams or amazing ski areas. You can't build enough roads to adequately compensate for traffic. And you can't "build more fancy colleges" very easily; sure, you could start Angry Dan's Angry University, but until people start recognizing ADAU as a good school, it won't be considered a decent substitute for Harvard/Yale/MIT/Whatever.

This is good!

This probably feels bad if you were used to being in the Sports-Going or Driving or Fancy-College Middle Class. But this reflects the weird fact that we used to have this huge underclass that wasn't able to do these things. Now that underclass is a little smaller and the "Middle Class" is a little bigger. This is good.

What should we do, given this?

- for some things (fancy colleges), we should try whatever we can to increase supply. This probably means starting to accept colleges that aren't Harvard/Yale/MIT as "top tier", and increasing the quality of all of them at every level. I notice this starting to happen. I think if I were a Corporate Executive, I could probably hire a ton of great people by just recruiting heavily at "second tier" universities.
- for some things (cars), we should try to reduce demand. Tax cars until they remain a luxury for the rich, and give the Middle Class some kind of public transit that lets them live an equivalently good life.
- for the other things... I don't know, up to you, but I'm certainly going to look for more and more ways that I can get entertainment that don't depend on a scarce asset like sports or skiing.

Side note

So many luxuries are only luxuries based on other people not having them! This is so f'ed! I write this from an airport lounge, which is literally just this: pay us (or get a certain credit card? which is obv the route I took) and we can get you away from the riffraff. (plus free beer.)

Anyway this particular subset of luxuries is completely destined to fail and/or increase prices spectacularly as more people can afford them, so don't get too comfortable :P

Glassdoor, uMap, morality, privacy, Pandas

Glassdoor ratings widely gamed; another instance of Pearson's Law (or Drucker's or Kelvin's or whatever): "what gets measured, gets managed." I know that Glassdoor got kinda useless for me when picking a job. Oh well. Maybe we should call this "Yelp's Law," after the review site that has similarly become useless.

Anyone used uMap? I so much want a very simple "put a few dots and maybe polygons on a map and share it" tool. I've used Google My Maps before, but: A. it's such a UI mess; is it part of google maps or not? how do I just *get to my map that I made*?, B. it's on google, C. it loads slow.

7 parts of morality from a study by Oliver Scott Curry and Et Al, cross culturally: family values, group loyalty, reciprocity, bravery, respect, fairness, property rights. Compare to Haidt's care, fairness, loyalty, authority, sanctity. I guess we have (Haidt on left, Curry on right):
care (harm reduction) = ?
fairness = fairness + reciprocity + property rights
loyalty = group loyalty + respect
authority = family values + respect + property rights
sanctity = ?
? = bravery
Now, they're probably looking at subtly different things. Also, I'm disinclined to take either of them too seriously.

Privacy is a commons. YES. I do feel worried by ideas like Newsom/Steyer's idea that you should get a cut of the proceeds from Facegoogapplezon - feels like, if that comes to pass, Facebook will pay $7/user (so, $7 or 14B; vs Facebook's $460B market cap, it's a chunk but not a company-killing one) and just keep doing the same ol' nonsense. The analogy to votes is spot on. We don't let you sell your vote, because that corrupts democracy for all of us; we shouldn't let you "sell your data", because that corrupts privacy for all of us. (Also, what the hell does "sell your data" even mean!)

Minimally sufficient Pandas. I feel like especially deduping "pivot", "pivot_table", "crosstab", "melt", "stack", "unpivot", "unstack", "reshape" would be helpful to my state of mind and fluency when dealing with all these things. I often think "I need to make my data look like this: ___" and then google around for a while and settle on one of the above verbs.
I was getting closer to this with dplyr in R! That ecosystem seems like it will get you to think in sane ways. But then I mostly quit using R :-/

Less Wrong and Rationalists and etc; Sabbathing and Act Two of your life

Ok so years ago I first stumbled upon the Less Wrong world and I was very turned off because it all seemed like so much navel gazing. It was also 30 year old nerds, talking about the world as it appears to 30 year old nerds, to other 30 year old nerds. I was afraid to spend all this time hanging out with 30 year old nerds, out of fear that I'd become a basement-dwelling forever-alone m'lady fedora troll.

Since then, I've realized a few things:
- ok I am a 30 year old nerd.
- this is not so bad. Being a 30 year old nerd, and indeed hanging out with other 30 year old nerds, doesn't automatically turn you into a troll.
- the downside is not the "nerd" as much as the fact that so many of them are 30, white, American, richish, and male. This can warp your perception of the world a lot. Maybe don't draw so many conclusions about how The World works based on the opinions of 30 year old rich white male nerds.
- however, it can be good to draw conclusions about how your world works for you based on the experiences and thoughts of many people who are like you. As a result, this community is more useful to me than I had first thought.
- Eliezer Yudkowsky is maybe the first name you'll read on Less Wrong stuff, and he is IMO on the dense and navel-gazey end and therefore maybe not a great introduction.
- Scott Alexander is maybe the second name you'll see a lot, and I find his stuff much more approachable. I don't know how dude's so prolific. Not to say he's always right, but he's usually got a lot interesting to say.
- like me, most of the bloggers in this world write 90% chaff, so it takes a little bit of picking through the noise. But unlike me, every so often they write some gems.

Like these two on Slack (concept, not chat app) and Sabbath Harder:
"If something like the Orthodox Sabbath seems impossibly hard, or if you try to keep it but end up breaking it every week - as my Reform Jewish family did - then you should consider that perhaps, despite the propaganda of the palliatives, you are in a permanent state of emergency. This is not okay. You are not doing okay."

Or, is Venkatesh Rao (Immortality Begins at 40 and The Key to Act Two) the blogger that I need to be reading in my 30s, or is he completely insane?
Similarly, and more concretely (thus less woo): on Wordpress and the lack of blogs anymore.

Anyway, I'd love to discuss any of these posts if you read them too.

Househusbands

The title of this article is clickbait but it's a pretty good argument for househusbands.

(note: the article talks about "housewives." I'm instead saying "househusbands" because:

- makes you think for a second, I guess

- makes me sound not totally backwards and reactionary when I talk about this

- also avoids the common-knowledge problem with "housewives": the author knows she's not totally backwards and reactionary. I know the author's not totally backwards and reactionary. The author knows that I know she's not totally backwards and reactionary. I know that the author knows that I know etc etc. But each of these steps we have to make sure we're clear on; if we just avoid the term, we can stop doing all this work.

- uh and maybe if we use the term "housewives" we're more likely to slip back into backwards and reactionary modes of thinking accidentally

- "househusbands" works as well as "housewives"

- but like I'm not gonna fight you if you say "housewives", whatever, gosh; so long as you don't accidentally or purposefully slip into backwards and reactionary modes of thinking)

Premise: Life today is pretty mentally taxing. Maybe if you're a married couple, one of you staying home might help you manage the stupid taxingness of modern life.

Point 1: Life today is very mentally taxing.

There seem to be uncatalogably infinite challenges. Some recent ones include "how do I manage these stock options" (cry me a river, I know, but they can actually create more hardship than they're worth if you're not careful and very unlucky), "I gotta fill out this form for my therapist", "we have to get someone to watch our cat", "I have to pester my landlord to fix our washing machine", "I have to pester my landlord to get someone to check on my old neighbor so he doesn't get bedbugs again", "I have to figure out how to get my bike to a shop so they can fix a flat tire", etc etc.

Meanwhile I would like to do some things like cook food and see my friends sometimes. This might be more practical than it seems; if I don't do those things then I am less able, not more, to manage all the dumb stock options and stuff.

And this is before kids!

Counterpoint: "Dan, just simplify"

Counter-counterpoint: I agree that many of these are brought on by life-as-career-tech-person-in-SF, and that kind of life is not very simple. However, it seems to be the simplest life that at-least-somewhat fulfills me right now. Other options include independent working (oof!), startupping (double oof!) and academicizing (nevermind!). None of these are simpler. My backup coffeeshop plan sounds nice, but I'd actually probably be bad at that, and once I jump off the tech-career track it'd be hard to get back on. (And being poor in the US suuucks, so I am trying to Make That Money now in order to prevent that happening.)

Point 2: you kiiinda might need a full-time (or at least part-time) house manager, or else you'll both be exhausted all the time.

I guess this doesn't need much explanation, but I do find Tati and me both working Monday-Friday, then doing *tasks* all Sunday, leaving much less time to refill and be myself than I'd like.

Where does this leave us? I guess in the future, especially post kids, it'd be really nice to trade off the full time career life. It'd be good to be able to say, I'm gonna work part time for a few years, and also do all the *tasks*, and that will still leave us plenty of time to be humans.

But like I said, that doesn't feel fulfilling now! Argh. Well, hopefully that will change.

Extra rant: If I ask someone to do a thing, why is it still my responsibility to make sure they don't just forget it forever? Argh! I don't expect everyone to do everything that I ask, but even simply responding to my email/text with "no" would be so helpful! Ok, whatever, life is stressful.

Low pass filters

"We've gotta keep this traffic flowing and accept a little sin" - Cake

Nerd Rage: when you get mad at something that is Definitely Wrong, but not at all important. I am inspired/annoyed/awed by a guy I used to vaguely know at Google who would send you whole changelists/pull requests that were just him correcting your whitespace, irrelevant punctuation, 80-char lines, and other code style/lint issues. He was right, but I dunno, pretty annoying about the whole thing. Nerd rage comes up more often, but I don't have as good examples of it.
Etymology of this term: I made it up.

See also related terms: Bikeshedding, Yak shaving. (Did you know that was named after a Ren and Stimpy episode?) Bikeshedding and Yak shaving are mostly the same, minus the rage.

Well-Actually: someone says something that is technically true but irrelevant. The worst case of it is when you just want to sound smart. A more forgivable, but still bad, case is when you don't realize that you're adding more information that isn't helpful here because you're not skillful enough to realize that's what you're doing.

Righteous fury: (this doesn't really need definition but I can't break the format now.)

Low pass filter: a filter that lets low frequencies through but cuts off high frequencies.

Nerd raging usually doesn't feel good when you're doing it. Righteous fury, or righteous-fury-filled nerd rage, feels good when you're doing it, but feels bad as soon as it's over. Bikeshedding and yak shaving don't really feel good when you look back on the time you spent doing it. Well-actuallying doesn't feel good when you've developed enough social awareness to realize that you're well-actuallying. Life's easier with a well-tuned mental/emotional low-pass filter.

(I'm not sure if "high pass filter" would have made this work better. I'm thinking, cut out pops and hisses, right? Hmm, sorry, filter doesn't let me care about this :P

So, there we go! Just stop worrying about small stuff, right? Like cars parking in the bike lane, or whether an online game could be 1% better! Of course, this is easier said than done. But as a general principle, I think: if Calm You thinks something is not a big deal, then anything you can do to make Angry You care less about it is probably in the right direction.

(If you want to be like Herodotus said about the ancient Persians, you could sub in "Sober You" for Calm You and "Drunk You" for Angry You.)

Animal Hot Springs and telling the story

Remember Neko Atsume (Cat Collector)?

That game was great! Put out some treats, have adorable kittens come visit, maybe take pictures of them if you want. And that's about it. I think the cats give you fish, and you can spend that on new cat toys.

I recently was linked to a knockoff called Animal Hot Springs. I started playing it, and thought it was great! Animals come in to a hot springs, they ask for stuff like a drink or a towel, you drag it to them, and they give you acorns. You then spend the acorns on new hot springs gear.

This eventually became less fun. Dragging the stuff to the animals was not so fun. Hoarding acorns was not so fun. Sometimes you had the option to watch ads to speed up your progress. (I think Richard Garfield would be displeased.) Most of the ads were for other crummy games, like match-3 clones and Farmville knockoffs.

Why was it less fun? I don't know, I guess it was just less tuned. I felt like I had to grind for a long time. Plus, the basic loop of "drag food to animal" was less fun than the basic loop of "look at kitties." Oh, and the ads.

Anyway, it seems very psychically helpful to tell stories of things that happen to you. (See also: recent bike guy story.) In this case, it's not just "I'm an idiot who played a junky game", it's an opportunity to wax philosophical about what did and didn't work about that game. (And to marvel at how silly it is that I didn't like that but I'm now playing Antimatter Dimensions, aka the most recent Number-go-up game.)

And this blog is one way I do this. In a space that's mostly psychologically safe (somehow, despite being on the internet); that is, where I know that if anyone's listening, they're probably friendly. Thank you for making it so!

On mystery hunt, and doing things you really quite like

I got a chance to join the MIT Mystery Hunt with a friend's team this past weekend. This is one of the biggest puzzle-hunt events, open to anyone and drawing in a crowd of a couple thousand to Boston every January. I was a little worried that I couldn't hack it; looking at a couple puzzles last year, I solved zero of them. I was also worried about the group coordination - I get kinda nervous when I'm trying to solve a thing with other people all at once. (Pair programming, for example, I find pretty challenging.) I was excited because, well, when puzzling is good, it's great.

And this was great! I met a few new friends (the 4 of us who represented the team out here in SF), and mostly sat around in a room puzzling all day. It feels like, I think, if you're a runner and you go for a nice long run, or if you're a real strongman and you go weightlifting. (ok, maybe not quite that good. (audio NSFW.)) Time really melts away, and you're just there trying to think about this weird thing from 12 different angles, until finally you get it, and then you feel like pumping your fist and dancing around like Coach.

I solved, I think, wholly or partially, 6 puzzles. I hesitate to even say this because:
- count of trophies is kinda not the point
- wouldn't really want this to become even a friendly competition
- don't want to dissuade anyone reading this who can't solve even one
But I like to have it out there as a metric to measure myself against, I think. In the same way that runners track their PRs, I can track my progress in terms of Mystery Hunt puzzles solved.

The puzzles, too, were great. Mystery Hunt puzzles seem to be a notch above puzzles in e.g. the Microsoft College Puzzle Challenge. Like, stack 3 MSCPC puzzles together, and you get one Mystery Hunt puzzle. Before I thought I was just too dumb to solve MH puzzles; turns out you just have to stick with them longer.

Coordination turned out to be great. I could mostly grab a puzzle and go into my little world, which I like. Sometimes I'd get stuck on a thing and then I could ask my 3 fellow puzzlers, and we'd brainstorm together for a minute. Sometimes I'd get really stuck and then I'd just abandon the puzzle; with our sweet Google Docs synchronization, someone else could pick it up.

Anyway, I think it's valuable to do things you really like. I'm happy to have found a way to do a new one, and am looking forward to continuing to puzzle more.

In which I meet another David Tennant wannabe, but he's a big jerk.

Previously in the "Dan is mad at bike lane parkers" saga.

I've moved on to Tactic 8: I bought some nametag stickers and wrote on them "I parked in a bike lane", and have stuck them on a couple cars that are in bike lanes. A change to what I proposed before: these stickers are not bumper stickers, they are harmless and easily removed; the goal is to either spark people to think about it (not likely) or to give them 5 seconds of annoyance as a penalty for doing a slightly annoying thing.

On Wednesday, I try Tactic 5a: stopping in front of a parked car, and kind of waving "hey, can you move out of the bike lane?" (this has been somewhat effective, really!) The driver, a ~30 year old white man in an Audi unfortunately with a resemblance to David Tennant more striking than my own, waves "no." I go "come on, please?" He goes "nope!" So I put a sticker on the hood of his car.

Guy gets pissed, jumps out of car, pulls sticker off, and shoves me off my bike onto the ground. (I am unhurt.) We start yelling at each other, crowd gathers, etc. He's maintaining that I put the sticker on his car, he shoved me, so we're even. I think I said "you think so? want to let the cops settle that?" He says sure, call the cops. So I do.

A couple of other cyclists are going "come on, you two, just shake hands and make up, don't waste the cops' time." I coax a gritted-teeth apology out of him: "I'm sorry." "You're sorry for..." "For pushing you." "And for parking in the bike lane." "... uh, for double parking." "No, for parking in the bike lane."
These other bikers are pressuring me to shut up and accept his apology (as well as scolding me for stickering his car in the first place), so I do, and I ask the cops to cancel the call.

Guy and I then talk more, and I think "ah great, we're all calmed down, we might come to some mutual understanding!" Nope. He goes on to explain that it's just traffic, deal with it, dude. I'm saying "yeah, but this makes me swerve around you, which is dangerous, and this is exactly what a bike lane is trying to prevent." He says he doesn't care and is going to keep parking in bike lanes anyway. Eventually he goes "Look, I don't want to be having this conversation anymore. Have a good one." and climbs back in his impervious metal box.

I'm unimpressed with his... basically, his retraction of his apology! When I thought we might be cooling nerves and he might be realizing he's taken it too far... instead, turns out he's just saying what he really thinks now that he knows the cops won't actually show up. I call back the police and ask if there's anything we can do at this point. We did get his license plate, and it's in the incident report, so in fact yes, we can still file charges.

I go into the police office the next day to make a statement. I try to figure out what happens next - turns out it'd probably be that he'd get charged with misdemeanor battery (possible sentence: up to $2k fine and 6 months jail and/or probation), we'd both have to show up in court, and we see what happens. I decide to take the statement home and think about it.

So many thoughts at this point! And this is 3 days later. I think I've let them settle to where I can put them in order. (and post them publicly on the internet? *shrug*)

1. The primary feelings are anger and frustration because I feel somewhat powerless here, and because he "won."
2. What happens if I do file a report?
1. Probably nothing happens - the case gets dismissed somehow.
2. Maybe we both go in front of a judge and the judge says "you two play nice now, ok?" I would feel good that Dude was inconvenienced; I would feel shitty because he "won." He would continue being a terrible person.
3. Maybe the judge would convict him of this, and he would get a fine and/or probation. That'd be great. Maybe it'd be a "oh geez, I'm kind of a jerk" moment, and he'd clean up his act.
4. Maybe the judge convicts him, and he actually goes to jail! Uh, I would feel... kinda bad about this. Like, he's a rich white kid so I think he'd be ok, but... I dunno, this would feel disproportionate. (to be clear, if he was nonwhite, I probably would not have even bothered him in the first place and certainly would not call the cops on him!) However, the chance of this is (I hope!) miniscule.
5. Maaaybe I get hit with some fault of my own for putting a sticker on his car! I mean, who knows. He'd probably try to make a case that I was "menacing" him or something because I made physical contact with his precious Audi.
6. In any of these cases, I have to deal with it longer, and that exacts a logistical and emotional toll on me, which I could very easily not do. I mean, it's not like I have medical bills that he should pay for or something.
3. What happens if I don't file a report? Guy continues to be an ass. This is kind of a problem. I hate to let that guy continue to exist in the world. Probably he is not as much of an ass usually, but I do feel bad letting him be out there in the world and thinking that whatever he does is ok.
4. Hold up - this case is dumb as hell, right?
1. But remember, this is because of the shove, not the bike lane.
1. However! If there were no bike lane, I would shrug it off. Like, I start arguing with some guy at a bar and he shoves me - there's no way I'm filing a police report.
2. If there were no shove, I wouldn't even think about it either! As a result, this makes me think that I'm playing "gotcha" - the result is, "I tweaked you enough that you fought back, and now that I've got a concrete instance of you technically battering me (though I was totally fine) I'm going to take you down."
3. Why am I playing gotcha? Is this maybe a case of misdirected anger at other things in my life, surfacing as righteous fury at bike lane jerks?
5. Ok, but this whole bike lane fixation is dumb as hell and I should get on with my life, right?
1. Well, "grant me the courage to change what I can, the serenity to accept what I can't, and the wisdom to tell the difference, right? (see also: Ram's answer to my last post)
2. Which category does bike-lane-parking fall under? ... probably a "serenity to accept what I can't." Fighting bike lane parkers one by one is Not Very Effective.
3. But overall bike infrastructure is a "courage to change what I can." Organize lobby phonebank vote etc!
1. On the other hand, I hate doing this kind of work.
2. So maybe this is a "serenity to accept what I can't, while doing the normal background amount of courage like voting and donating and stuff."
3. Yeah, ok, I can deal with that. Based on the last point on #4 here, this might be just misdirection of anger from just the general stress of life.
6. Still, f this guy.
1. But: maybe I caught him on the worst day of his life, who knows.
2. If that is wishful thinking and he is always an ass, well... that tends to be its own reward, and it's ok if I don't accelerate it.
3. For my part, usually I've found the best thing to do with Very Unpleasant People is to just stay away from them forever, if possible.
7. F these other bikers too. Seriously: what the hell? Nattering on about "well, you shouldn't be stickering people's cars"... I have little patience for this sentiment of "the status quo is wrong but let's not make anyone upset ever." If someone is standing up for what's right, you take their side 100%.
8. I get why people don't report crimes sometimes. Not at all saying this is anywhere near the same magnitude as sexual assault survivors but I kinda get the feeling of "I think I have a 90%-solid case to hammer this terrible human, but that's not 100%; I might just get laughed out of the room; and this whole thing is embarrassing and it would just feel really bad to open it back up."
9. That said, all the cops I talked to were remarkably cool about this whole thing! I can imagine them rolling their eyes a lot at this case, but nobody did. The lady at the station who was helping me figure out what would happen in this case, particularly, seemed very adept at conflict resolution and interested in helping me sort through what I wanted out of it.
10. Finally, notice for a moment all the weirdness that the metal box of the car adds to this situation. He feels threatened when I touched his metal box. (probably because many metal-box-damages cost hundreds or thousands to fix.) He has the luxury to withdraw from any situation he doesn't like, into his metal box. The size of his metal box is the problem in the first place (a double parked bike/scooter/longboard/etc probably doesn't even impede anyone). So: electric cars, rentable cars, self-driving cars, Uber/Lyft cars, (fill in the blank) cars are no solution. As long as we are addicted to these metal boxes that take you out of your environment, we'll have drivers (or passengers) being obnoxious because of them.

that "burnout generation" article, and catalogability

I'm sure if you're on internet things, you've seen "How millennials became the burnout generation."

1. It's well written and should be required reading if you're inclined to think "kids these days" are lazy!

2. I'm lucky to have been spared most of these problems, and I can mostly manage my life today. However, I have no kids, stable corporate job, no family members depending on me for medical care or anything, and no student loans or other unmanageable debts. I have no idea how people manage if those things are not the case.

3. It would be nice if you could put all the things you need to do into one nice list, then just do them. Unfortunately, they are uncatalogable, and probably have become more so in the last N years. Surely, the internet is partially to blame for this increase. But the worst excesses of the internet are kinda just symptoms of unchecked capitalism. Our economy is great at adding *more*, and it's great at consumer goods (and sometimes services) - but our problems are that we need less, and we need things that can't be fixed by consumer goods.

4. A lot of my time vanishes into bouts of blogging or otherwise reading/writing like this! I feel like this will likely drop off eventually. (post kids?) I wonder if I will just not even miss it, or if I will feel even more like I can't make sense of the world and then that will bother me.

5. This linked article ("Laziness does not exist") is great. I don't think I've ever met someone who I'd say is "just lazy." Literally everyone is doing their best given their circumstances. Nonjudgmental help is always 100x more useful than telling them "deal with it." Even when the answer needed is "deal with it", delivering that in a compassionate and understanding way is way more helpful than judgment. And this holds true at all levels - whether you're talking to a person one on one, or writing legislation. If you're inclined to give someone (or write legislation proposing) "tough love", you've gotta really be reflective and honestly answer "am I doing this because it's really right for them? or am I doing this because it's easier for me?"

2018 movies and albums

Movies:
1. Annihilation - trippy sci-fi horror, moderate squeamishness, not all loose ends tied up, great soundtrack. More on this.
2. Over the Garden Wall (ok this was a couple years ago but I just watched it this year and it blew me away) - delightful silly-but-serious animated adventure, like a Phantom Tollbooth but with characters you care about. Beautifully drawn, amazingly voice-acted. Some example clips.
3. Free Solo - unbelievable rock climbing videography (and well explained for those of us who don't really know rock climbing) and a fascinating portrait of Alex Honnold, masterful but humble climbing legend. Like, I found him more relatable than most movie heroes.

Albums:
1. Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer. A couple years ago, I thought Grimes was the defining pop star of our age. Nope, I was wrong, it's Monae, who can collaborate with Prince, Brian Wilson, and Pharrell on the same album and outdo them all. Crazy Classic Life evoking the rosy-skied American dream while pointing out that these dreams don't come true for everyone equally; guitar on Screwed; driving Django Jane; ethereal lyrics on Pynk; funky cool-down on Don't Judge Me; cathartic So Afraid; Americans bringing the opening theme home.
Like, of the two frequent collaborators, Grimes is a technical hero and aesthetic visionary (and we can separate the artist from the art when it comes to dubious choice of romantic interests) but Monae is all that and she has a lot more to say. Anyway, the critics got it right: this is just a front-to-back brilliant album. There's nothing to skip.
2. Gang Gang Dance - Kazuashita. Well, if you like Animal Collective and Bjork, then let's hang out and talk about how great this is. If Dirty Computer makes me feel like a beautiful Californian summer, Kazuashita makes me feel like I'm still traipsing around the world, still brave and hardy enough to keep getting as confused as possible.
Honorable mentions:
Yves Tumor - Safe in the Hands of Love (slightly experimental electronic)
Jon Hopkins - Singularity (grandiose electronic)
Young Fathers - Cocoa Sugar (pop/hip hop)
A.A.L. - 2012-2017 (house?)